With me, Charlie.
This past weekend was one of disturbing events that drained me of all energy, as you can see. It all started Friday night, when I was attacked by a giant squeaky flea with six long legs and a big nose. This monstrous beast has taken up residence in our house and I am constantly doing battle with it to keep the family safe. Ungrateful family, I should say, as Mom and Dad tend to giggle at my efforts. But a hero doesn't fight for the applause, so I soldier on. Saturday Dad and Mom worked in the backyard digging in the dirt, but when i tried to help by digging under the fence, they got all huffy and leashed me to the hammock! Did I mention how ungrateful they are?
But the worst came Sunday: Mom took me out to the back patio on a leash to sit by the little wall while Dad took this big red thing on wheels out of the little house back there that they won't let me play in, and everything was just fine until Dad pulled this string on the red thing and OH MY GOSH IT WOKE UP AND IT WAS MAD AND WENT ROOOOWWWWWWWRRRRRRR AND ATE ALL THE GRASS AND WOULDN'T STOP AND I HID BEHIND MOM and then Dad rolled it away into the grass and i came out from behind Mom but then DAD PUSHED IT BACK TOWARDS US AND IT WAS SCARY AND I HID BEHIND SOME BRICKS but then Dad pushed it away again and I snuck out and watched and WHAT THE HECK DOES HE KEEP PUSHING IT BACK THIS WAY FOR WHEN IT'S SO MAD but luckily he pushed it away again and I finally laid down in the mulch with my chin on the wall next to Mom for protection and watched until the red monster suddenly stopped ROWRING and Dad took it into the front yard, where it got mad all over again but at least we didn't have to see it thank goodness because it was pretty much the scariest thing I ever saw in my whole entire life.
But the weekend's horrors were not finished quite yet. After dinner, Mom took me outside to go potty which I did because I'm such a good boy. But then she took me upstairs into the secret room where I used to pee until they started keeping the door shut on me. Then Daddy came in and he put me in this giant tub thing and then they sprayed water all over me and then put this smelly foamy stuff all over me and scrubbed me and tried to act like it was so great, and I thought I might leave but Daddy wouldn't let me out and then they sprayed all the foamy stuff off me with MORE water and acted like it was so great even though I was obviously very sad about it. Then they both rubbed me all over with towels until all my hair was standing straight up and then they let me escape and we got on the bed and I was all crazy because WHAT THE HECK! and i bit everything and jumped on everyone and then suddenly fell asleep because this was just the craziest day I ever had in my whole entire life and I pretty much slept the rest of the evening.
Any ideas for revenge will be greatly appreciated.
This has been A Very Disturbing Charlie Report.
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