The Charlie Report for Tuesday, July 1, 2009...

...with me, Charlie.

Life has changed very very very dramatically for me since the last Charlie Report, and not in a good way. In short, my daddy has abandoned me. It used to be that Mommy would get up in the morning and abandon me, and that was bad, and she still does it. But now after she leaves, Daddy gets up and feeds me and walks me and then HE ABANDONS ME, TOO! For the whole day! And I'm all alone there in the house by myself in the kitchen with only my toys to play with and bite. ALONE. This is a very very mean thing to do to a little baby puppy (who, by the way, will be exactly one-half year old in TWO DAY!). Luckily, there's this lady in the neighborhood who apparently realized that MY PARENTS ARE MEAN AND ABANDONED ME and she sneaks into our house every day to walk me and give me a treat so I don't waste away from being totally ignored and unappreciated, then she leaves Mommy and Daddy a note that I can't read but that probably says something like "You are the worst parents in the world for leaving your puppy alone all day." Now a lesser dog would pee and poop all over the place if they were abandoned like me, but I'm a really really good guy so I don't do that. I wait until they get home, and then pee on the floor right after Daddy lets me out in the yard. HA!

You may remember that in the last Charlie Report, I told you the horrible story of going to PetsMart to be taught things by the lady who picked me up by my scruff and made everyone laugh. Well, we went back again last Thursday, but this time we had a different teacher because we're going on a different day now because the other class was too early now that Daddy is ABANDONING ME EVERY DAY until at least 5:30. So anyway this new teacher was pretty nice and did NOT pick me up by my scruff because she said she wasn't sure how to like the other teacher, which made Mom and Dad sad because they wanted to learn how to do it so they could take a picture and laugh at me, which is just wrong. Anyway, there were two little dogs who were shy in class, and I went up to them to say hello, but then there was this OTHER dog who was a girl and who was chocolate brown and just my size and who Mommy said was like Lucy and we FELL IN LOVE and we played and played and played and played and played until they made us stop so we could learn things but we kept trying to get back together so we could play some more but they wouldn't let us because they wanted us to Sit (which I already know, duh) and walk "nicely" on a leash, which was not bad because they had a stick with peanut butter on the end and if you walk nicely you can lick the peanut butter as you walk until the peanut butter runs out, and then you can pull like usual. When class was over, the teacher said that in the next class (!) they're going to try to teach us "off." "OFF"! Good luck, teacher!

This has been The Charlie Report.

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