The Charlie Report for Monday, July 6, 2009...

...with me, Charlie.

It was The Weekend of Love for me, as I got to hang out with all sorts of lovely ladies. They all love me and can't keep their paws off me! It all started with, yes, more School for Dogs on Thursday. My girlfriend Bisha from last week was there and was still in love with me. She's exactly my size, only she's chocolate brown and part pit bull, but really real friendly and in love with ME. But then this OTHER beautiful dog name Brooke showed up and she was also chocolate brown and looked with Bisha only about 10 times bigger because she's a Lab and SHE feel in love with me, too, and so for an hour they both were in love with me and tried to be my girlfriend all the time and I was all "hey, ladies, one at a time" and it was hard to learn things because of all the noise and love, but luckily I already know "Down," which the Treat Lady was trying to teach us, but then she tried to teach us to drop things which was dumb because if I'm holding something it's because I want it so why would I drop it? (It turns out because you might get a treat.) Then we practiced more "walking on a leash" which was dumb because who can't figure that out, but it turns out what they really mean is "walk where *I* want to walk," which again is stoopid because if you're taking ME for a walk, shouldn't I be the one deciding where we go? I can't believe we're paying money for this craziness, but at least I get to meet chicks, so I put up with it.

Friday was very interesting because Mom and Dad did not abandon me! Instead, they stayed home and we all went for A WALK which was lots of fun, except that they kept stopping when I pulled (Dad) or kept changing direction when I pulled (Mom) which was crazy and stupid, but we had fun anyway, and then we got home to our front yard and A BEAUTIFUL DOG NAMED KARO came by with her mom and fell in love with me, and we played and played and played and played and played and ran and ran and played, and she's now my fourth girlfriend, even though she has no ears because before she was rescued by her nice mom some bad person cut her ears off all the way so she barely has stubs, which is THE WORST THING I EVER HEARD and yet she is so beautiful and sweet and friendly and nice, while if someone cut off MY ears I would pretty much be BITING EVERYONE IN THE WORLD but Karo just loves everyone, so I guess she's nicer than me. So Friday was great for me and guess what else IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY and i was a whole half year old, which is pretty big I think but I didn't get any cake or anything which was pretty mean.

BUT on Saturday I DID get a birthday present, a stuffed yellow dog named Colonel Mustard with two squeakers in it which is great and I love him. AND it was July 4 which is the Fourth of July which is a big deal because it is the day after my birthday and everyone who forgot has another chance to get me a present like Mom and Dad. We were having a quiet day in the backyard when MY JEAN AND JEFF came over and they brought MY NUMBER 1 GIRLFRIEND BELLA WITH THEM and we played and played and ran and played and ran and begged for food because all the people made food and ate it in front of us and didn't give us any which again is pretty mean any time but even worse on The Day After My Birthday, but I did have a good time with Bella and MY TRIP was there too until he had to go save the world and i showed everyone how i know how to roll over and everyone thought i was great. and then they all left me to have fun and i was all alone until after all the explosiions ended, but i was brave and didn't care.

Then yesterday. We went back to the park for dogs (with BELLA!) and there were lots of dogs there and I played with all of them even the really really big ones because I'm not scared of anyone even the droolers but there was THIS PRETTY DOG NAMED DINAH that really liked me and we played and ran a lot but i had to keep telling Bella that Dinah was just a friend and not to be jealous, but that's five girlfriends for me so i can see why Bella might get bent out of shape but I can't help being so attractive, I just am!

This has been The Charlie Report.

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